Amber Payne smiles while participating in an outdoor activity during 2024 summer camp at Gasper River Catholic Youth Camp and Retreat Center in Bowling Green. COURTESY OF CALEB JONES, GASPER RIVER
‘His timing is perfect’
How serving at Gasper River helped me discern a call to religious life
BY AMBER PAYNE, SPECIAL TO THE WESTERN KENTUCKY CATHOLIC
Editor’s note: Amber Payne, a young woman whose home parish is Immaculate in Owensboro and graduated from Owensboro Catholic High School and Brescia University, recently entered the Salesian Sisters of St. John Bosco. She wrote this reflection for The Western Kentucky Catholic before leaving for the convent. Please keep Amber and all those discerning religious life in your prayers.
When I first felt the tug on my heart to apply as a staff member at Gasper River Catholic Youth Camp, I never could have pictured all the blessings that the Lord was about to bestow on me.
After three summer camps and three Christmas camps, I am able to reflect on the beautiful journey that the Lord has led me on and how he was preparing my heart to say yes to this next step of my adventure with Him. I am beginning formation as an aspirant with the Daughters of Mary Help of Christians, also known as the Salesian Sisters of St. John Bosco, in New Jersey on August 31. The Holy Spirit has moved in a multitude of ways at Gasper River, including in my discernment of religious life.
From the beginning, the Lord was asking me to trust in Him. It was in 2021 when regulations from the pandemic were gradually beginning to fade, that the nudge to apply as staff at camp was too strong to keep pushing away. I already had a plan to continue working at my current job throughout all of college, yet the Lord knows us better than we know ourselves and His plans are always better than our own. The idea of Gasper kept coming to my mind and through encouragement from a high school friend, I applied and I am forever grateful for that tug. (I remembered the moment of applying to Gasper when I took the step later to contact the Salesian Sisters.) I, yet again, had plans for my life but the tug to discern religious life was constant. He already had shown me the beauty and grace of following His will through saying yes to camp and I was reminded that I need to continue to surrender and trust in Him to see the great plans He has in store.
Amber Payne climbs the Jacob’s Ladder with camper Amelia Fagella during 2024 summer camp at Gasper River Catholic Youth Camp and Retreat Center in Bowling Green. COURTESY OF CALEB JONES, GASPER RIVER
I was nervous at first when I arrived at Gasper River, but I was welcomed immediately. Gasper is like a home and family. I could be my most authentic self as God created me to be at camp and I was seen, loved, known, and shown that I belong. I gained many virtuous and beautiful friends through camp who have led me closer to Christ by holding me accountable in the faith, by sharing our hearts in vulnerability, and by praying for and with one another. The directors and staff at camp are true witnesses of the faith, they have supported me throughout my journey, and they have allowed me to share my dreams. They have held my heart and assisted in guiding me to grow in holiness with each step I take. One of my Gasper friends introduced me to the Salesian Sisters by inviting me to join the Fiat Project, which is a discernment program that I attended virtually with the sisters as they accompany you to discern God’s call for your life, whichever vocation that may be. I am very grateful that she extended that invitation because it opened the door for me to meet the Salesian Sisters, witness their joy, and learn about their mission. The friends I have been blessed with at Gasper have been an instrument of God’s love in my life.
One misconception I had before arriving at Gasper was that I was alone in having the thought of religious life. I was shown how far this was from the truth when I met multiple other staff members who shared that they too were discerning priesthood and religious life. They were so joyful about it, and this changed my perspective and was a beginning moment of my heart opening up to God’s call. I have witnessed and journeyed with multiple friends who took the step of starting formation with religious orders or entering seminary, and their courage inspired me.
It is such a beautiful gift to see the fruit of camp through the many vocations of previous staff and campers. There are married couples who met at camp and place Christ at the center of their family; single people living out their call to serve the Lord in a variety of ways; and priests and religious sisters who are joyfully living out their vocation and serving the Church. The witness of their “yes” to the vocation that God called each of them to, encouraged my “yes” to this next step. All those who started camp and who continue to serve at camp show me the beauty of how your “yes” to His call will impact the lives of so many others, just as their “yes” did for me. They showed me the joy of following the Lord’s plans for where you are called to love and serve.
Through camp, the Lord was preparing my heart to learn how to fully give and how to fully receive. I already had a passion of working with youth, but camp magnified that passion and I realized that one of my deepest desires was to help youth encounter Christ. I wish I could express the beauty of witnessing a camper encounter Christ throughout the week and the transformation you witness. At the beginning of the week, you may see campers who do not know anyone and then by the end of the week, they leave with lifelong friends and the most joy-filled smile. Campers may be asked to lead their small group in prayer and no one volunteers, but by Friday they are saying prayers from the heart with and for one another. You get the opportunity to hear about their encounter with the Lord through the week, such as after Adoration and during bible studies. You watch them grow in courage through different adventure activities and then you have a discussion about how it relates to the Catholic faith and their relationship with Jesus. Strong bonds are formed with the campers and you get to know who they are as children of God. As a staff member, I got to walk with campers on their journey to the Lord and I hope every camper knows the impact that they have on the staff, including me. Their love and faith is transformative to the hearts of staff and they help us desire to grow even closer to the Lord as we witness their joy, kindness, openness, and devotion. One thing I had to learn through my discernment was that the Lord wants to fulfill all of the desires of your heart. Even if it may not look as you planned, He will fulfill them in ways better than you can imagine.
Amber Payne with her fellow aspirants with the Daughters of Mary Help of Christians, also known as the Salesian Sisters of St. John Bosco. (Left to right) Michelle, Erin, Amber, Kathy, Rachel, and María José. COURTESY OF AMBER PAYNE
When I discovered the mission of the Salesian Sisters, I truly felt so much joy and peace as I felt that my heart was made for this call. The Salesian Sisters of St. John Bosco live out the mission of educating and evangelizing to the youth, especially the poor and most at risk. They are teachers, youth ministers, and they even have summer camps! They are always around the youth to tell them about Jesus.
Jesus is the source of every moment at camp. We celebrate Mass daily, have daily bible studies, weekly Adoration and confession, and open and close every activity with prayer. Staff would also pray morning and night prayer and we each had thirty minutes of scheduled chapel time with the Lord. You can visit the Blessed Sacrament frequently as Jesus was right where we lived. This schedule of prayer showed me the significance of community prayer, spending time with Jesus in silence, and giving all that you do during the day to the Lord. Through the times of silence with Jesus in the chapel, I could hear his voice more clearly, my love for Him grew as I gave Him my heart, and I could recognize that He was pursuing my heart. I heard the Lord telling me to walk with Him each step and to trust, which was a needed reminder throughout my discernment. I had a great amount of anxiety when it came to discernment because I felt that I needed to figure and plan it out by my timing. I had to realize that His timing is perfect and that our vocation is a gift that God reveals to us and an adventure with each step we take.
I would not have been ready if the Lord had revealed to me to apply to the Salesian Sisters in my first summer at camp, but after three summers I could recognize all of the fun memories and moments of grace that were leading me to this step. I grew abundantly during my time at camp and had multiple people tell me about the transformation that they witnessed through me after working there. I grew in joy, peace, confidence, courage, faith, friendship, trust, love, and service. My prayer increased and I had a stronger desire to receive the sacraments because I knew that the change that occurred came from the Lord.
I was taught in my very first week through our Eucharistic Life Camp (formation for the staff) that we pour ourselves out to our campers, and Jesus fills us back up in the Eucharist. I reminded myself this constantly as I tried to share the love of Christ to each camper. I will continue to remind myself of this and I will take all of my growth, memories, and lessons that I learned from camp as I start this next adventure to serve the youth as an aspirant with the Salesian Sisters. I cannot express my gratitude for the love the Lord has shown me through Gasper River and the impact that camp has made on my life, especially in the discernment of taking this next step towards God’s call.
To learn more about the Salesian Sisters of St. John Bosco, visit salesiansisters.org.
Originally printed in the October 2024 issue of The Western Kentucky Catholic.
